Tropical forests destroyed at fastest recorded rate last year
May. 21st, 2025 04:04 am![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png){kind=small}
bbcnewsworld_feedTropical forests provide a buffer against climate change, but disappeared faster than ever recorded last year.
bbcnewsworld_feed
Rubio warns Syria could be weeks away from 'full-scale civil war'
May. 20th, 2025 08:26 pmbbcnewsworld_feedThe US secretary of state calls for Syria's transitional authorities to be supported to prevent their "potential collapse".
Music Tuesday
May. 20th, 2025 09:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
muccamukkThe CBC keeps playing this at me for some reason, and it's really pretty.
BUT ALSO: what is that piano intro reminding me of? I'm thinking late'90s with a female singer, but it might just have been... something I listened to a lot in the '90s.
Supergiant crustaceans may cover more than half of the deep-sea floor
May. 21st, 2025 01:01 amnewscientist_feedThe enigmatic crustacean Alicella gigantea is the world’s largest amphipod, but like all deep-sea creatures it hasn’t proved easy to find
anemia
May. 21st, 2025 04:02 amwordsmithdaily_feednoun: 1. A medical condition characterized by a deficiency of red blood cells or hemoglobin resulting in weakness, tiredness, shortness of breath, and paleness. 2. A lack of vitality, strength, or vividness.
Lots of System Updates
May. 20th, 2025 08:07 pmlovelyangelOn Monday, UPS gave me a delivery window for my OWC ThunderBlade X12. The window was 12:15 pm to 3:15 pm, and a signature was required. So I waited. And waited. And at 3:30 pm I checked the tracking page, and UPS had assigned a new delivery window: 3:45 pm - 6:45 pm. I couldn’t even go for my daily walk until the package arrived. Finally at 6:00 pm, UPS came to my door and exchanged a package for my signature. By then, I’d given up plans on configuring the RAID unit that day and slipped the task to Tuesday. I finally went for my daily walk.
This is all to say that I was held captive in my home all afternoon – and I ended up updating the OS in my Apple devices. And in advance of figuring out what to do with recently retired devices, I updated the OSes in them as well. Crazy OS blitz.
Current Devices
Belldandy (2025 M4 Mac Studio):
Updated macOS to v15.5 from v15.4.1
Updated Zoom Workplace to v6.4.10 (Apple Silicon) from v6.3.11 (Intel)
Authorized computer to play content (music, video) from Apple account
Fern (2024 M3 MacBook Air):
Updated macOS to v15.5 from v15.4.1
Authorized computer to play content (music, video) from Apple account
Holo (2024 M4 iPad Pro):
Updated iPadOS to v18.5 from v18.4.1
Meiko (2021 iPhone 13 mini):
Updated iOS to v18.5 from v18.4.1
Retired Devices
Frieren (2017 iMac Pro):
Updated macOS to v15.5 from v15.4.1
(Deferred content deauthorization on Apple account)
Hinata (2018 MacBook Pro):
(Battery was dead and had to recharge before computer would boot.)
Updated macOS to v15.5 from v14.3.1
Deauthorized computer from playing content (music, video) from Apple account
Kanna (2017 iPad Pro):
(Battery was dead and had to recharge before tablet would boot.)
Updated iPadOS to v17.7.8 from v17.7.1
(iPadOS v17.7.8 was Released that same day)
Hinata and Kanna are on Apple’s list of Vintage products, prior to becoming obsolete.
This is all to say that I was held captive in my home all afternoon – and I ended up updating the OS in my Apple devices. And in advance of figuring out what to do with recently retired devices, I updated the OSes in them as well. Crazy OS blitz.
Current Devices
Belldandy (2025 M4 Mac Studio):
Updated macOS to v15.5 from v15.4.1
Updated Zoom Workplace to v6.4.10 (Apple Silicon) from v6.3.11 (Intel)
Authorized computer to play content (music, video) from Apple account
Fern (2024 M3 MacBook Air):
Updated macOS to v15.5 from v15.4.1
Authorized computer to play content (music, video) from Apple account
Holo (2024 M4 iPad Pro):
Updated iPadOS to v18.5 from v18.4.1
Meiko (2021 iPhone 13 mini):
Updated iOS to v18.5 from v18.4.1
Retired Devices
Frieren (2017 iMac Pro):
Updated macOS to v15.5 from v15.4.1
(Deferred content deauthorization on Apple account)
Hinata (2018 MacBook Pro):
(Battery was dead and had to recharge before computer would boot.)
Updated macOS to v15.5 from v14.3.1
Deauthorized computer from playing content (music, video) from Apple account
Kanna (2017 iPad Pro):
(Battery was dead and had to recharge before tablet would boot.)
Updated iPadOS to v17.7.8 from v17.7.1
(iPadOS v17.7.8 was Released that same day)
Hinata and Kanna are on Apple’s list of Vintage products, prior to becoming obsolete.
Skuzzy Day
May. 20th, 2025 10:05 pmdays_unfoldingThe New York Times: The 25 Gardens You Must See. I have a new goal.
Rain predicted in the morning.
Lowe’s has a garden fence that I like. I hope that it would keep Bella out of the garden.
We had a breakthrough of sorts. Zara was eating with Bella and Oliver in the room. But then Bella rushed at Zara, and Zara hissed. I hustled Bella out of there.
I ordered a black-and-white striped shirt dress from Banana Republic.
My Italian teacher was nice about me postponing the lesson. She sent me a response in Italian and I understood it! So yay.
My doctor won't renew my prescriptions until I get my blood work done. There isn't a really convenient time, but I'll have to work it out.
Ordered heartworm and flea meds from an online pet pharmacy.
Wow, it's pouring. No garden work today. Maybe I could go to Home Depot in search of plants, although I haven't showered yet.
Tornado warning. I’m down in the basement with Lily and Oliver. (Bella won’t come down the basement stairs, and Zara stays in her room.)
Hmm. I want to feed Bella, but she’ll need to go out right away, and there is a severe thunderstorm warning for 45 minutes. I guess that I’ll feed myself first and stare down the critters.
Bought some Brooklinen towels at a Memorial Day sale.
Got the garbage out. Read for a while. Going to crash and get up early.
Made it home
May. 20th, 2025 10:10 pmcornerofmadnesstook forever to get going and it looks like there's another damn mouse in the kitchen. Fantastic because I'll be gone for weeks if not months. Sigh. I am still trying to get sick, feeling quite tired. So much so I didn't really unpack the car. I'll get it tomorrow. Just dragged in the stuff I emptied out of my fridge.
Since that's all boring let me jump right into the fannish 50 with the 'you'll never get agreement' topic of fan service. This topic is brought to you thanks to Blue Exorcist.
Look I'm fine with some fan service. I expect it. I even enjoy it. That said I prefer it mild and that it makes sense with their character. I get that I am not, and never have been, who most shonan anime/manga is aimed at but I am a little leery of what people think is okay for young teenaged boys and what it teaches them (because whether or not we want to admit it, they DO tell us some things are okay)
I expect most fan service to be for the teenaged male gaze, that's fine, like I said if it makes sense. There's a character in My Hero Academia for example who's superpower creates things from her body so it makes sense she's in low cut bodices. Momo Yaoyorozu
At least most of the other girls aren't as scantily clad and they leaned into why she is (however lame it is)
On the other hand with Blue Exorcist we have
This: the typical Japanese school girl look for the students and then a black and white uniform for the adult exorcists. Here's Shiemi
Yes she has large breasts for fan service (and yes they bobble when she runs) but at least she has clothes.
And then we have a character I've disliked since the beginning which is a shame because she has the potential to be an interesting character. Instead we get this spoiling all the backstory and special powers etc she has because this is how they chose to depict her.
While not trying to slut shame here, can you honestly see her fighting demons like this and showing up to teach teenagers in that outfit (You can't see it but she's in booty shorts and fishnets as well). She hides a sword inside her body so sure give her the low bodice or a belly shirt that's fine. How exactly does that outfit continue to cover her nipples as she fights? I seriously want to know.
I guess like I said, I prefer a more subtle fanservice like we got in Fullmetal Alchemist
Certainly Winry is there for the male gaze
But she works in a near-desert hot-butt town so we can forgive her, her mini skirts and belly shirts I guess.
And FMA did give the female gaze a little something too
I mean, come on, Roy having to sear closed his own wound is just so we can get this shot (and we're grateful)
Speaking of the female gaze one t-shirt I would have bought from the artist was medusa's head and the words the female gaze but she didn't have any plus sizes left (and this is only 2 hours into a two day con, and I see this a lot. It's like have you never been to a con before? The plus sized folk usually outnumber the not-plusses.
Since that's all boring let me jump right into the fannish 50 with the 'you'll never get agreement' topic of fan service. This topic is brought to you thanks to Blue Exorcist.
Look I'm fine with some fan service. I expect it. I even enjoy it. That said I prefer it mild and that it makes sense with their character. I get that I am not, and never have been, who most shonan anime/manga is aimed at but I am a little leery of what people think is okay for young teenaged boys and what it teaches them (because whether or not we want to admit it, they DO tell us some things are okay)
I expect most fan service to be for the teenaged male gaze, that's fine, like I said if it makes sense. There's a character in My Hero Academia for example who's superpower creates things from her body so it makes sense she's in low cut bodices. Momo Yaoyorozu
At least most of the other girls aren't as scantily clad and they leaned into why she is (however lame it is)
On the other hand with Blue Exorcist we have
This: the typical Japanese school girl look for the students and then a black and white uniform for the adult exorcists. Here's Shiemi
Yes she has large breasts for fan service (and yes they bobble when she runs) but at least she has clothes.
And then we have a character I've disliked since the beginning which is a shame because she has the potential to be an interesting character. Instead we get this spoiling all the backstory and special powers etc she has because this is how they chose to depict her.
While not trying to slut shame here, can you honestly see her fighting demons like this and showing up to teach teenagers in that outfit (You can't see it but she's in booty shorts and fishnets as well). She hides a sword inside her body so sure give her the low bodice or a belly shirt that's fine. How exactly does that outfit continue to cover her nipples as she fights? I seriously want to know.
I guess like I said, I prefer a more subtle fanservice like we got in Fullmetal Alchemist
Certainly Winry is there for the male gaze
But she works in a near-desert hot-butt town so we can forgive her, her mini skirts and belly shirts I guess.
And FMA did give the female gaze a little something too
I mean, come on, Roy having to sear closed his own wound is just so we can get this shot (and we're grateful)
Speaking of the female gaze one t-shirt I would have bought from the artist was medusa's head and the words the female gaze but she didn't have any plus sizes left (and this is only 2 hours into a two day con, and I see this a lot. It's like have you never been to a con before? The plus sized folk usually outnumber the not-plusses.
Catching up...
May. 20th, 2025 07:59 pmcatherineldfWhat's been going on? Oh, nothing much. A tornado missed touching down in my hood on the way to downtown by an uncomfortable margin last week - it ended up not touching down, at all, fortunately for us. Unlike poor St. Louis and elsewhere. I did get from the attic to the basement with essentials, my emergency lamp/charger and 2 elderly confused kitties in 3 minutes, so good to set a preliminary bar to improve upon.
I went to the Independent Book Publisher's Association Pub U Conference on Friday in St. Paul. On the plus side, I met some lovely people and had a nice lunch. I also scored contacts at two book distributors to have chats about how to try and "level up" sales at Queen of Swords Press so I think that part was worthwhile. The one workshop panel I made it to was...an experience. Apparently, they don't really vet their presenters. Or maybe they do and thought this was fine? I went to a panel on fundraising and grant writing for publishers at which: one panelist conducted a sort of revival meeting about writing mission statements and believing in yourself (but nothing about finding sources of funding, applying, etc.); there was a mildly terrifying New Age skinny white lady who had no noticeable publishing experience, but was apparently trying start a cult, and urged us all to ask our personal communities for $5000-$25,000 to “be a part of the process” (head slap! Why didn’t I think of that?); and then there was the moderator who urged us to go through our mail to look for possible local funding sources to approach (I’m sure the fly-by-night realty companies trying to get their hands on my house would tots be interested in our books! Or maybe the gas company!). Then there was the AI panel, about which the less said, the better and which also could have done with several fewer people who were all unquestioningly “shiny toy!” and utterly clueless about the fact that if they get the brave new techbro future they are so excited about, no one will need them (hint: avoid NYU's publishing program. Just saying). Would I go again? Not unless someone else was paying for it.
Saturday was Rochester MN Pride, which was mostly delightful except for being cold and windy. My friend Matt was great and we found a fun new restaurant.
Sunday, I went to breakfast with Caroline Stevermer, who is a marvelous dining companion, and to a matinee of "Things Like This" with another friend. This is a new indie gay romcom in which one of the protagonists is fat, but that is not the central conflict of the story and no one insists that he get skinny to get the guy! It was charmingly uneven and enjoyable.
This week is a mad scramble of stressors - my work contract is up in a couple of weeks, my mortgage just took a healthy leap upward, etc. So I am dealing with it like an adult and fleeing town for part of the weekend. My cat sitter is camping out here by way of a mini vacation for her and I am off to Red Wing, MN to hang out at a delightful Victorian hotel with a whirlpool bath (my sore hip is craving this!), go to tea at the local tea shop, look at antiques, write a bit and such. Oh, and log in to WisCon online for our 4PM Saturday panel on small press publishing. Is this wise? Nope! Very much looking forward to it.
Have a grand holiday weekend, however you're spending it!
I went to the Independent Book Publisher's Association Pub U Conference on Friday in St. Paul. On the plus side, I met some lovely people and had a nice lunch. I also scored contacts at two book distributors to have chats about how to try and "level up" sales at Queen of Swords Press so I think that part was worthwhile. The one workshop panel I made it to was...an experience. Apparently, they don't really vet their presenters. Or maybe they do and thought this was fine? I went to a panel on fundraising and grant writing for publishers at which: one panelist conducted a sort of revival meeting about writing mission statements and believing in yourself (but nothing about finding sources of funding, applying, etc.); there was a mildly terrifying New Age skinny white lady who had no noticeable publishing experience, but was apparently trying start a cult, and urged us all to ask our personal communities for $5000-$25,000 to “be a part of the process” (head slap! Why didn’t I think of that?); and then there was the moderator who urged us to go through our mail to look for possible local funding sources to approach (I’m sure the fly-by-night realty companies trying to get their hands on my house would tots be interested in our books! Or maybe the gas company!). Then there was the AI panel, about which the less said, the better and which also could have done with several fewer people who were all unquestioningly “shiny toy!” and utterly clueless about the fact that if they get the brave new techbro future they are so excited about, no one will need them (hint: avoid NYU's publishing program. Just saying). Would I go again? Not unless someone else was paying for it.
Saturday was Rochester MN Pride, which was mostly delightful except for being cold and windy. My friend Matt was great and we found a fun new restaurant.
Sunday, I went to breakfast with Caroline Stevermer, who is a marvelous dining companion, and to a matinee of "Things Like This" with another friend. This is a new indie gay romcom in which one of the protagonists is fat, but that is not the central conflict of the story and no one insists that he get skinny to get the guy! It was charmingly uneven and enjoyable.
This week is a mad scramble of stressors - my work contract is up in a couple of weeks, my mortgage just took a healthy leap upward, etc. So I am dealing with it like an adult and fleeing town for part of the weekend. My cat sitter is camping out here by way of a mini vacation for her and I am off to Red Wing, MN to hang out at a delightful Victorian hotel with a whirlpool bath (my sore hip is craving this!), go to tea at the local tea shop, look at antiques, write a bit and such. Oh, and log in to WisCon online for our 4PM Saturday panel on small press publishing. Is this wise? Nope! Very much looking forward to it.
Have a grand holiday weekend, however you're spending it!
Meddling parents and inlaws
May. 20th, 2025 09:13 pmconuly posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
agonyaunt1. Dear Eric: We are retired grandparents to 7-year-old twins who live close by. We are delighted to help with kiddo chauffeuring, grocery shopping or anything else needed by two very hard-working parents.
Today after dropping off groceries, my wife noted that the refrigerator, in her opinion, had an unpleasant odor and was very quick to share her opinion with my son-in-law. She is also rather critical of many of his habits. And her opinions are not without merit. But my mother always said, "less said, better mended."
When I say to my wife, "too much mother-in-law," I catch hell.
I think something has to be said to mend this or should I just go back to my corner?
– Too Many Opinions
( Read more... )
******
2. DEAR ABBY: I lost my daughter to cancer five years ago. She was only 36. She left behind a husband and three children, ages 3, 5 and 7. While my daughter and her husband worked, I was their "nanny granny" five days a week. I would also take them overnight on weekends. More often than not, I had more waking hours with my grands than their parents did. We were extremely close and bonded.
After my daughter passed, my son-in-law asked me to move in to help. I was in a position to do so, and it went OK the first year. Then some cracks began to show, and we ended up having a huge fight over money (though it wasn't REALLY about money). After I said some horrible things about him on Facebook, he took the grands away from me. It has been two years, and I have begged his forgiveness to no avail. What can I do? -- MISSING THEM IN MARYLAND
( Read more... )
**********
3. DEAR ABBY: I have a full-time job and am in pretty good health. I have one son, "Brian," who is married and has three children. My problem is that my son is often rude to me. I was a single mom who raised him on my own. I thought I was a pretty good mother. His wife is super sensitive to any comment I make and finds fault with almost anything I do. They spend a lot of time with her family and exclude me.
If I make a comment about Brian's wife, he gets mad and calls me hateful or rude. I have been good to both of them, helping in any way I can, yet they do not take that into consideration. Brian and I get into arguments over this. Sometimes I have gone overboard and told him he needs to figure out what his problem is with me. He never tells me why he behaves like this. They don't visit me or bring the children over. They say they are busy, but they always find time to visit her family, their cousins, etc.
Must I give up on having any kind of relationship with them? I love my son and would like to be a part of his life, but I don't think I should accept him being critical of me all the time no matter what I do. If I try to talk objectively with his wife, she says I'm trying to start something. Please help. -- HEARTBROKEN IN GEORGIA
( Read more... )
*********
4. DEAR HARRIETTE: My family and I are gearing up for our annual family vacation. My oldest child is in a relationship and has been badgering me about wanting to bring his girlfriend. I would prefer not to bring her along on an intimate weeklong trip because I feel that her clothing can be rather revealing, and she doesn't seem shy about PDA. I have two much younger children, and I don't think they need to be exposed to that on their summer getaway. Besides, I don't plan to pay for some sort of couples' trip while the rest of us are trying to catch up and bond.
I shared my stance with my son and explained that it's OK for some things to be family-only, and he's now refusing to join us unless I extend an invitation to his girlfriend. My son is already away at college, so his younger siblings really cherish the time they spend with him on these vacations. I'm torn here. Are my concerns unreasonable? -- Vacation Ultimatum
( Read more... )
Today after dropping off groceries, my wife noted that the refrigerator, in her opinion, had an unpleasant odor and was very quick to share her opinion with my son-in-law. She is also rather critical of many of his habits. And her opinions are not without merit. But my mother always said, "less said, better mended."
When I say to my wife, "too much mother-in-law," I catch hell.
I think something has to be said to mend this or should I just go back to my corner?
– Too Many Opinions
( Read more... )
2. DEAR ABBY: I lost my daughter to cancer five years ago. She was only 36. She left behind a husband and three children, ages 3, 5 and 7. While my daughter and her husband worked, I was their "nanny granny" five days a week. I would also take them overnight on weekends. More often than not, I had more waking hours with my grands than their parents did. We were extremely close and bonded.
After my daughter passed, my son-in-law asked me to move in to help. I was in a position to do so, and it went OK the first year. Then some cracks began to show, and we ended up having a huge fight over money (though it wasn't REALLY about money). After I said some horrible things about him on Facebook, he took the grands away from me. It has been two years, and I have begged his forgiveness to no avail. What can I do? -- MISSING THEM IN MARYLAND
( Read more... )
3. DEAR ABBY: I have a full-time job and am in pretty good health. I have one son, "Brian," who is married and has three children. My problem is that my son is often rude to me. I was a single mom who raised him on my own. I thought I was a pretty good mother. His wife is super sensitive to any comment I make and finds fault with almost anything I do. They spend a lot of time with her family and exclude me.
If I make a comment about Brian's wife, he gets mad and calls me hateful or rude. I have been good to both of them, helping in any way I can, yet they do not take that into consideration. Brian and I get into arguments over this. Sometimes I have gone overboard and told him he needs to figure out what his problem is with me. He never tells me why he behaves like this. They don't visit me or bring the children over. They say they are busy, but they always find time to visit her family, their cousins, etc.
Must I give up on having any kind of relationship with them? I love my son and would like to be a part of his life, but I don't think I should accept him being critical of me all the time no matter what I do. If I try to talk objectively with his wife, she says I'm trying to start something. Please help. -- HEARTBROKEN IN GEORGIA
( Read more... )
4. DEAR HARRIETTE: My family and I are gearing up for our annual family vacation. My oldest child is in a relationship and has been badgering me about wanting to bring his girlfriend. I would prefer not to bring her along on an intimate weeklong trip because I feel that her clothing can be rather revealing, and she doesn't seem shy about PDA. I have two much younger children, and I don't think they need to be exposed to that on their summer getaway. Besides, I don't plan to pay for some sort of couples' trip while the rest of us are trying to catch up and bond.
I shared my stance with my son and explained that it's OK for some things to be family-only, and he's now refusing to join us unless I extend an invitation to his girlfriend. My son is already away at college, so his younger siblings really cherish the time they spend with him on these vacations. I'm torn here. Are my concerns unreasonable? -- Vacation Ultimatum
( Read more... )
Judge warns US deportations to South Sudan may breach court order
May. 21st, 2025 02:06 ambbcnewsworld_feedThe judge orders the migrants to be kept in US government custody, holding the plane on the tarmac if necessary.
Italy's Meloni ready to help if Vatican agrees to Trump's war mediation plan
May. 20th, 2025 06:13 pmbbcnewsworld_feedFor now the Holy See says the idea of even hosting talks is more a hope than a concrete plan.
Estrangement!
May. 20th, 2025 08:00 pmconuly posting in agonyaunt1. Dear Eric: My brother has children with whom I was extremely close when he and his wife got divorced in 1989. He never supported his kids, never paid child support and drank away everyone’s money, including $20,000 in rehabs that my parents paid for.
My brother asked me if he could borrow $5,000, and he would start making payments to pay it back. For the sake of my niece and nephew, I loaned him the money. Unbeknownst to me, my brother was borrowing money from everyone in the family. Soon, everyone in the family found out what he was doing and cut him off.
Fast-forward to three years ago (I’m now 56, and my brother is 72), he reached out to me again. Not to borrow or pay back money, but to reconnect. Through our limited conversations, he keeps asking for my address or an invite to my house. I never extended the offer, and I did not give him my address.
Brother recently told me he has been sending $200 to $300 every couple of weeks to my niece, now 40, a divorced mother of one son. He is also putting several hundred dollars a month in a trust for her 9-year-old son. I told him, on several occasions, since he has money to spare, he can send me money each month to pay me back. He laughs and blows me off.
I’m extremely ticked off that he disregards the sacrifice I made.
I blew off my brother and the $5,000 years ago and I don’t care to rekindle relationships that have been dead for 35 years. What I want is the $5,000 repaid. I have two kids in college and I’m partially retired. I’m not charging him interest for the past 35 years, but I should. I don’t think I can be blunter with my request, nor because of the time that has passed, would I have legal recourse.
If you have suggestions, I would appreciate the help.
– 5k Would Make My Day
( Read more... )
***
2. Dear Annie: I never thought I would be in this position, but I have become estranged from my adult daughter. We used to be incredibly close. When she was younger, we had long talks late into the night, and we would laugh until we cried on road trips. I was there for every heartbreak, every success, and I truly believed we had a bond that would last a lifetime.
But over the past few years, things began to shift. She started pulling away and setting boundaries I did not fully understand. Small disagreements turned into long silences. One day, she stopped returning my calls. I reached out with cards, messages and birthday gifts for the grandchildren, but I rarely get a response. She has told me she needs space, but she will not say why or what I did to cause this distance.
I have apologized more than once for anything I might have done to hurt her, even though I do not know exactly what it is. I feel like I am grieving someone who is still alive. I miss her every single day, and the pain of being cut off from my grandchildren is almost too much to bear. I see photos online and feel like I am watching their lives go on without me.
I want to respect her wishes, but I am also holding on to hope that one day we might reconnect. Is there anything I can do to begin to repair this relationship, or do I need to accept that she may be gone from my life for good? -- Grieving the Distance
( Read more... )
****
3. Dear Annie: I'm struggling with how to move forward after my adult daughter, "Rachel," cut me off two years ago. We used to be close. I raised her as a single mom after her father left, and we leaned on each other through a lot. Things started to change after she got married. Her husband, though polite, has always kept a distance from me. I tried to respect that, but honestly I felt pushed out. It feels like the beginning of their relationship marked the end of ours.
Our last real conversation ended badly. I had asked if they would consider spending part of the holidays with me instead of always going to his family. Rachel got defensive and said I was making her choose. I said something in the heat of the moment that I regret: I told her she'd understand when she had kids of her own. She hasn't spoken to me since.
I've sent birthday cards, texts and an apology letter, but she never replies. I don't know if I should keep reaching out or give her space. I miss her terribly, but I also don't want to keep reopening the wound. How do I respect her boundaries without giving up hope? -- Left Behind in Louisville
( Read more... )
My brother asked me if he could borrow $5,000, and he would start making payments to pay it back. For the sake of my niece and nephew, I loaned him the money. Unbeknownst to me, my brother was borrowing money from everyone in the family. Soon, everyone in the family found out what he was doing and cut him off.
Fast-forward to three years ago (I’m now 56, and my brother is 72), he reached out to me again. Not to borrow or pay back money, but to reconnect. Through our limited conversations, he keeps asking for my address or an invite to my house. I never extended the offer, and I did not give him my address.
Brother recently told me he has been sending $200 to $300 every couple of weeks to my niece, now 40, a divorced mother of one son. He is also putting several hundred dollars a month in a trust for her 9-year-old son. I told him, on several occasions, since he has money to spare, he can send me money each month to pay me back. He laughs and blows me off.
I’m extremely ticked off that he disregards the sacrifice I made.
I blew off my brother and the $5,000 years ago and I don’t care to rekindle relationships that have been dead for 35 years. What I want is the $5,000 repaid. I have two kids in college and I’m partially retired. I’m not charging him interest for the past 35 years, but I should. I don’t think I can be blunter with my request, nor because of the time that has passed, would I have legal recourse.
If you have suggestions, I would appreciate the help.
– 5k Would Make My Day
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2. Dear Annie: I never thought I would be in this position, but I have become estranged from my adult daughter. We used to be incredibly close. When she was younger, we had long talks late into the night, and we would laugh until we cried on road trips. I was there for every heartbreak, every success, and I truly believed we had a bond that would last a lifetime.
But over the past few years, things began to shift. She started pulling away and setting boundaries I did not fully understand. Small disagreements turned into long silences. One day, she stopped returning my calls. I reached out with cards, messages and birthday gifts for the grandchildren, but I rarely get a response. She has told me she needs space, but she will not say why or what I did to cause this distance.
I have apologized more than once for anything I might have done to hurt her, even though I do not know exactly what it is. I feel like I am grieving someone who is still alive. I miss her every single day, and the pain of being cut off from my grandchildren is almost too much to bear. I see photos online and feel like I am watching their lives go on without me.
I want to respect her wishes, but I am also holding on to hope that one day we might reconnect. Is there anything I can do to begin to repair this relationship, or do I need to accept that she may be gone from my life for good? -- Grieving the Distance
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3. Dear Annie: I'm struggling with how to move forward after my adult daughter, "Rachel," cut me off two years ago. We used to be close. I raised her as a single mom after her father left, and we leaned on each other through a lot. Things started to change after she got married. Her husband, though polite, has always kept a distance from me. I tried to respect that, but honestly I felt pushed out. It feels like the beginning of their relationship marked the end of ours.
Our last real conversation ended badly. I had asked if they would consider spending part of the holidays with me instead of always going to his family. Rachel got defensive and said I was making her choose. I said something in the heat of the moment that I regret: I told her she'd understand when she had kids of her own. She hasn't spoken to me since.
I've sent birthday cards, texts and an apology letter, but she never replies. I don't know if I should keep reaching out or give her space. I miss her terribly, but I also don't want to keep reopening the wound. How do I respect her boundaries without giving up hope? -- Left Behind in Louisville
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upgrading wifi
May. 20th, 2025 07:33 pmmellowtiggerWhen, after almost 2 years, I finally created a workstation for myself downstairs at a proper work table, I also moved my gaming computer from that area to my bedroom upstairs. I switched from wired ethernet to wifi. The wifi, however, started failing me almost immediately at the gaming computer alone. Bandwidth was horrible, then my first wifi network stopped connecting at this computer, then the second wifi network started failing too. The wifi was fine on my phone and Chromecast. It was the antenna at my old tower computer that was bad.
I went searching through records, and I originally ordered this wifi adapter (TP-LINK TL-WN881ND 300Mbps) back in 2016. Okay, fair enough. That's a long time for a wifi device to keep working. So, I ordered this wifi adapter (TP-LINK Archer TX55E AX3000) to replace it. It arrived today, and I put it in my gaming computer after work.
My original wifi immediately connected, and bandwidth score went from about 3.5 Mbps download to this very nice 273 Mbps download. Let's just call it a round 100X improvement (it's more like 78X) and move on. :)
The days of monkeying with Linux drivers are past us, for the most part. I plugged this PCI card in, and it just worked.
Daily Check-in
May. 20th, 2025 05:58 pmstarwatcher posting in fandom_checkinThis is your check-in post for today. The poll will be open from midnight Universal or Zulu Time (8pm Eastern Time) on Tuesday, May 20, to midnight on Wednesday, May 21. (8pm Eastern Time).
Poll #33144 Daily Check-in
Open to: Access List, detailed results viewable to: Access List, participants: 20
How are you doing?
I am OK.
12 (60.0%)
I am not OK, but don't need help right now.
8 (40.0%)
I could use some help.
0 (0.0%)
How many other humans live with you?
I am living single.
7 (35.0%)
One other person.
7 (35.0%)
More than one other person.
6 (30.0%)
Please, talk about how things are going for you in the comments, ask for advice or help if you need it, or just discuss whatever you feel like.
Tuesday 20 May 1662
May. 20th, 2025 11:00 pmpepysdiary_feedSir W. Pen and I did a little business at the office, and so home again. Then comes Dean Fuller after we had dined, but I got something for him, and very merry we were for an hour or two, and I am most pleased with his company and goodness. At last parted, and my wife and I by coach to the Opera, and there saw the 2nd part of “The Siege of Rhodes,” but it is not so well done as when Roxalana was there, who, it is said, is now owned by my Lord of Oxford.1 Thence to Tower-wharf, and there took boat, and we all walked to Halfeway House, and there eat and drank, and were pleasant, and so finally home again in the evening, and so good night, this being a very pleasant life that we now lead, and have long done; the Lord be blessed, and make us thankful. But, though I am much against too much spending, yet I do think it best to enjoy some degree of pleasure now that we have health, money, and opportunity, rather than to leave pleasures to old age or poverty, when we cannot have them so properly.
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